Here's a universal truth that should surprise no one - parenthood can feel stressful. From daycare drop offs to dance recitals, doctors appointments to dinner prep, a parent's schedule is relentless. To top it off, there's little (if any!) time to spend on yourself and even less time to enjoy quality, connection-focused moments with your kids.
And, if we're being honest, there's a lot of guilt wrapped up in that realization.
We WANT to bond and connect with our kids. We want them to know how interested we are in the day-to-day happenings of their lives. How much we care about their highs and lows. How much we love them.
But our busy lifestyles make it feel SO TOUGH to find the time to foster that deep connection.
Here's the good news - connecting with your kids doesn't have to be hard.
Or time consuming. Or unattainable. Even though it may not be possible to ditch our daily hustle and bustle (sigh!), there are some quick and easy ways to build and maintain relationships with our children in spite of our busyness that will leave you both feeling more connected to one another.
Read on for 3 simple kid-approved strategies to try in just 5 minutes (or less)!
1. The 'I Love You' song: Dr. Cassidy Freitas (@drcassidy), a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and one of our favorite Instagram follows, shared this adorable song on her Instagram account, and we're hooked. It's the perfect tune to sing to kids from toddlerhood through early elementary school, and reminds kids that, even in their seemingly unlovable moments (when they're angry, sad, defiant, rude, etc.), they are still very much loved and cared for. Dr. Cassidy claims that it's an excellent way to help regulate our kids' emotions during stressful moments (and it can help to ground overstimulated parents, too).
It goes like this:
"I love you / love you / all the parts about you / your mad side / your goofy side / your happy and your sad sides" (you can switch out the above traits for the ones that are most applicable for your child in the moment).
2. The Fill-Up Game: Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy is one of our very favorite parenting books and for good reason. It's packed with tons of practical, hands-on techniques to help parents navigate challenging, everyday moments with their kids. One of our favorite of these is The Fill-Up Game, a quick and easy way to connect with young kids (best for toddlerhood through early elementary school), especially when they're exhibiting lots of difficult emotions (anger, rudeness, anxiety, fear, etc.) or going through a challenging time (the birth of a new sibling, starting school for the first time, transitioning into a big kid bed, etc.).
Here's how it works:
When you notice that your child is acting out in some way or struggling emotionally (yelling, throwing their toys, making rude comments, etc.), Dr. Becky claims that your child is likely feeling a lack of connection with their parent or caregiver. In these instances, she suggests using the following script with your child (script taken from Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy).
"1. Tell your child, "I don't think you are filled up with Mommy/Daddy right now. I think Mommy is only up to your ankles! Let's fill you up!
2. Give your child a long tight squeeze.
3. "How about now? Whaaat? Only to your knees? Okay, round two......."
4. Squeeze your child again; maybe grimace, as if you're using all your might.
5. "What? Only to your belly? I thought I got higher with that squeeze! Okay, more Mommy coming, round three...."
6. Once you or your child feels filled up, give one more squeeze, saying, "Okay, well let me give you some extra, just in case. There are so many changes these days, it's probably good to have some extra Mommy stored up in there.""
This style of compassionate communication helps to diffuse kids' high-strung emotions
3. Dynamite Detail Questions: Here's a strategy that will go a long way towards building connection with kids of any age - from toddlers all the way through high schoolers. It even rings true for adult relationships! And even though some might write this technique off as intuitive, we've found that it's incredibly easy to forgo this style of conversation, especially when life feels hectic.
Here's how it works:
While you're busy with different activities throughout the day (making dinner, waiting for your curbside grocery pickup, folding laundry), ask your kids targeted questions about their day, or something we like to call Dynamite Detail questions. We want these questions to be specific and detail-focused rather than general queries.
For example, instead of saying to your middle schooler, "How did band practice go today?," try something like "What was your favorite piece that you played in band practice today? Why do you like that song so much?"
Or, instead of asking your kindergartner, "How was lunch today?," ask "What was your favorite food that you ate today for lunch?," followed by "Why do you like _____ (food name) so much?"
Asking specific, detail-focused questions like these signals to kids that you aren't just going through the motions - you're truly interested in the details of their lives, even the small, seemingly insignificant ones.
Of course, in order to ask your kids detailed questions, it's imperative that we parents also be good listeners. When our kids share details with us about their days, we need to try our best to file that information away in our memory banks so that we can use it during a future Dynamite Details bonding session.
Finding opportunities to connect with your child amidst the chaos of everyday life can feel like an uphill battle. But with these 3 quick and easy bonding techniques in your toolkit, you'll be prepared to strengthen your relationship with your child, any time, any place.
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TELL US: Is there a special way that you bond with your child? Share it with us @PrintPreserve, and don't forget to add it to your Say & Do Journal!